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so I've been thinking and I've been sleeping. and as I'm sleeping i tend to dream the most bizarre dreams. I've never had a series of dreams before and lately i have, it all started about a month ago... with britney spears...

part 1: i was on vacation in california and i woke up early one morning and decided to go to starbucks. as i was approaching the door i saw swarms and swarms of paparazzi and i thought to myself, "who's in there?" (starbucks has this policy where paparazzi photographers can't go inside their stores) so i walk in and none other than britney spears was in line right ahead of me and she was like, "hey, what do you want? I'll treat you." and i was like, "no it's okay" but then she's like, " i do something for you, and you do something for me. go wait for me in my car" so i was like uhhh ok? and i went and she came back and she's like, "are you good with kids?" and i said yes. so she then asked me if i would work for her and be a nanny to her kids and she would change my life with free swag! and i was like, "I'm on vacation, i don't live here, i live in chicago" and she was like, "well that's okay, i want a change of scenery. me and the boys will move to chicago and you can live with us, work for me, and go to school." then i woke up....

part 2: i was downtown but chicago looked like los angeles, with palm trees everywhere, and i was part of some scavanger hunt for one of my classes and i had to beat this girl, and she was already winning. then out of the blue slides a white mercedes, driven by britney spears. her window slides down and she says, "come in with me, I'll drive you there in no time!" and out of nowhere my mom jumps in and says "amanda, don't you dare get into the car with her!" i obviously didn't listen and jumped right in the back seat (cause the front seat was taken by ex-creep side-kick sam lufti) so britney guns it and with no seatbelt, I'm flying all over the back seat, and I'm like "britney slow down! you're gonna kill me!" and shes all like "you're fine y'all." and then i woke up....

part 3: this was a few nights ago and it was only a segment of my dream that night...i was driving in a car with someone and i looked in the backseat and britney spears' 2 kids were in the backseat, and i was like, "hey!what's the little one's name?"and whoever was driving said "that's jayden" and i picked him up and he sat on my lap in front seat. weird.

part 4: now this one is a whole crazy timeline of events, so I'll cut to the good stuff.....i was backing out of a parking spot with katie molloy in the car and i stopped because ryan secrest was behind me brushing off his white car. so i rolled down my window and i was like, "hey ryan!" and to my suprise he knew me and said "hey amanda, whats up?" so i was like, "hey, next time you see ellen page (juno) tell her that me and her are destined to be best friends!" and he was like "I'll tell her, email me at my private email" and i was like, private email, ryan, i don't know what you re talking about. then i was about to leave and i screamed back, "oh and tell britney i love her!" and hes like, "britney spears?" and i was like, "yea, she's my girl!"

AND SCENE

I'm convinced this is a sign that one day i will meet britney spears. and i will be the to change her life around. this amanda-britney bond must be written in stars. it must be.



in other news, ellen page and i would make the best of friends, but i'll discuss that later.

until next time................

extra money in my pocket

there's so much i want and i'm beginning to feel like i'm in over my head with all of these dreams and plans of mine. i want more than what i already have. i'm ready for change, i'm ready for experience, i need the sense of new...and i have no idea how to go about doing so.

i need resources, i need solid guidance to back me up. and maybe not in the form of a person. i just need to know i have someone or something telling me to go.

i'm so focused on making something for myself in journalism and magazines but i feel like i'm lacking something special, something good, different...like talent. a few weeks ago some old man said i had the look of an actress. and while i was on the verge of the slump i've just fallen into, i thought...why not? who am i to say i have no talent when i've never given it a shot? but really, who am i kidding.

some nights i have these dreams i'm in a hit-breakout movie with ellen page and scarlett johansson and it's the best realtiy i can imagine. or i'm writing for us weekly and jet-setting from new york to los angeles covering red carpet events and parties, surrounded by glamor and famous faces as friends.i'm just so wrapped up in this celebrity crazed culture that i want a taste of it.

the idea of being known, of grasping my dreams, proving people wrong and being completely happy is what i dream of.

i just want something more.

Waiting

I'm always wanting, never getting.